Friday, August 17, 2012

Roni, you once said...

'Killing you is like killing myself. And I never thought of suiciding.'

You told me that when you were very angry about something and willing to kill everyone around you. I asked 'Even me?' and you replied with this. I can't even describe how I felt at that moment. Joy? Kind of, but how can I feel joy when you are sad? Surprise? Maybe, but then again, with this phrase you just confirmed the way we feel about each other. My twin. My reflection. My supporter.

What happened last summer was horrible. Unbearable for both of us. We felt the same, we forgave each other but what we also had in common was pride. However, we made it. You know why? Because there is that thin invisible thread connecting us. Our souls, thoughts and feelings.

I am sad sometimes. Sad and angry because bad things happen in my life. Relationships go wrong. I have no one but myself to blame. Sometimes it gets so unbearable that I just feel like weeping, crying out to God, asking 'Why do I keep making the same mistakes? Why am I who I am? What kind of life awaits me down the road, if I can't even fix anything right here and now? Who the hell will ever love me?'

Then you tell me something like that.
And I see all the answers.

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