Sunday, December 30, 2012

Happy New Year, Happy New Life

Well, as the New Year is coming, it is time to reflect on what 2012 has brought to us.
Here is my list:
1. I fell in love. Painful love though, sometimes I am grateful for it.
2. I met the relatives my family had lost touch with for about 50 years.
3. I met my brother. I never knew him but he loves me. I love him for loving me and just being my brother.
4. I found a new friend. Well, I can't say she is my best friend but I can tell her things I would never even tell my mom. I know a few people I can trust on the Internet, but now there is someone like that in real life. That's a great accomplishment for me since I am not an open person.
5. I found a job.
Of course, there are also some painful memories, but I just don't wanna think about them now.
You, too, better not think about bad things as you step into a new year and a new life.
Happy New Year! May it bring you happiness.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Yesterday I found out I may never have children.
Do you know what it is like for a girl to learn she may never be able to get pregnant?
That is the end of the world.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

2 часа ночи. Куча домашней работы, которая мне так осточертела, что сил нет.
Всю эту неделю я только и делала, что искала кое-что (пока не буду говорить, что) для себя и своих подруг, но я не вижу помощи с их стороны. Понимаю, если бы это надо было только мне, но ведь это не так. Кроме того, поиски пока безуспешны.
А еще я простудилась.
В общем, в последнее время у меня дерьмовое настроение.

Но затем я вспоминаю, что, как говорят, кто ищет - тот всегда найдет. Буду искать. Буду стараться. Найду. Сделаю домашнюю работу. Получу хорошую оценку. Сдам сессию. И, черт возьми, хватит ныть, скоро Новый Год! Праздник, семья, хорошее настроение, гирлянды, фейерверки, надежды, желания, планы.

Такая она, жизнь, у нее две стороны.

Мне страшно, но не терпится.
Мне плохо, но завтра будет лучше.
Я устала, но я отосплюсь.

Спокойной ночи.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Random thoughts

1. Seems like I am the only one who needs this. I am the only one who is trying to do something. No one else cares.
2. My friends are stupid and narrow-minded.
3. My mother thinks she knows everything and is always right.
4. The guy I was in love with is the most arrogant person I've ever known. I always knew this, but it is only now that I realized it is disgusting.
5. Some people deserve to be shouted at.
6. I hate when my mother is staring at the screen while I'm typing this.
7. It's funny how the people you cared about are not that important to you anymore. Just because they don't care, either.
8. I am grateful to God for coming to these realizations.

Monday, December 17, 2012

This world is a dark place

People say God sometimes sends demons to the Earth. These demons look like ordinary people but they do horrible things. I am generally not a religious person but I cannot find another explanation for something like what happened in Newtown, Connecticut.
When you hear news about children dying you cannot help but cry. I wish I could find words to explain why this is happening, but I can't. These kids' parents... their lives will never be the same. Other people will go on enjoying this life, and these parents are forever frozen.
How come we can't even send our children to school without doubting their safety? How come so many lives must end just because one person wanted them to? There is no guarantee for anything. Feels like there are no answers to all these questions, either.
God sends demons to this Earth. God takes away angels.
The world is a dark, dark place without them.
Rest in peace, sweet little angels.